Lost and Found
by PinkCamellia
Summary: Izzie comes home, but she and Alex still have so many problems. How will they make their marriage work? Lexzie.


**Title: **Lost and Found (Cheesy, I know.)

**Author: **StarShinee(formerly, Tohsaka-Rin91)

**Summary**: Izzie comes home, but she and Alex still have so many problems. How will they make their marriage work? Mainly Lexzie with Cristina/Meredith/Izzie friendship.

**Disclaimer: **Shonda Rhimes owns Grey's Anatomy, not me. If I did, Season 6 would be very different from what it currently is.

**AN**: So, this originally was going to be a one shot. I was about half way through it before I realized it wouldn't work because there are time skips that would make the one chapter really rushed.

Hope you like what I've got for you so far!

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**_Chapter 1_**

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Things get lost all the time. Glasses, car keys, mittens. Cell phone bills and hairbrushes. You can lose a stuffed toy, an earring, a watch. You can lose your patience. In medicine, you see patients lose their memories, their faith, and their family members. Lost mind, lost conscience, lost meaning. Hair ribbons can be lost. So can a plane ticket, and your favourite tube of lipstick.

Friends are lost.

Time is lost.

Life is lost.

A small child that gets separated from his mother in a department store is lost. Trees lose their leaves in autumn. When people slip and fall, they have lost their footing.

In life, people lose their way pretty often.

You fall into a hole only to realise that you dug it yourself, and you're going to have to work your ass off to get out.

If you're really unlucky, you're like me.

Lost in every single possible way.

******_- X - X - X -_ **

Okay, I'm exaggerating. Not a whole lot, but I am.

I know there are people in this world that have it a lot worse than I do.

But, I think I've had it pretty bad.

I got diagnosed with cancer – the really bad kind that required my former coworkers to cut into my body every other day. One of the cancers that require about a million different kinds of therapy and medication.

I died.

Only for about three minutes, but I did.

I died, came back to life and found out my best friend was killed in a motor vehicle accident.

Ironic, huh?

Then I got fired from my job.

Isn't my life abso-_freaking_-loutely wonderful?

That's not even the worst of it.

I know what you're thinking. After all that, what in the world could have possibly happened that is worse than all of the above combined?

It's awful and horrible and something I would never do over again.

I wish I could take it back.

I can't though.

I really, really can't.

I hurt someone who loves me very much.

******_- X - X - X -_ **

The woods are quiet as I drive up to the trailer. The sun is going to set in a few hours and I notice that Alex's car is nowhere in sight. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. After a moment of internal debate, I park behind the motor home.

I walk up to the door and slide my key into the lock. A hear a faint click as my wrist easily turns the knob. He didn't change the locks. That's a good sign, right?

The inside of the trailer looks pretty much the same as when I last saw it. The bed is unmade and everything is a cluttered mess. I'd prefer a place that was squeaky clean, but somehow this disorganization is comforting to me.

Sighing, I take a seat on the bed and make myself comfortable.

And then I wait.

******_- X - X - X -_ **

It is not until more than three hours later that I hear movement on the side of the world that is not in this trailer. I automatically sit up straighter and try to calm my nerves by squaring my shoulders. It doesn't help.

The second the door starts to open and I drop my stance. All the things I practiced saying flies out of my head and I lower my eyes to the ground.

I can pinpoint the exact moment he became aware of my presence. It wasn't in the passive way he had seen me at the hospital two months ago. It was not when the floorboards stopped creaking, indicating that his movements had halted, that I knew he had seen me.

The second his eyes were on me, I felt it. I could always tell when Alex was staring at me. His gaze had that effect on me – it made me feel like my skin was burning.

'_Come on Izzie,' _I mentally coaxed myself. _'You can do this. You can do this. Just open your mouth and tell him!' _

I hear his footsteps as he approaches me. They stop when the tops of his shoes appear at the edge of my line of vision.

I take a deep breath, square my shoulders one more time and look up into his eyes.

A stranger would say that his face was unchanged. Still handsome with just a touch of arrogance. I'm not a stranger though. There are harsh lines marring the sides of his cheeks and his eyes are much colder than I have ever seen them. My heart twists. I'm the cause of those lacerations. My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. I close it and feel an instant panic creep over me. I take a deep breath and try again. Luckily, my brain seems to have re-established its connection to my mouth.

"You... You probably hate me right now. I know... I know that if the situation was reversed and I was you, I would definitely hate me. But, I need... I know that you have every reason not to, but I need you to listen to me. I need you to give me the benefit of the doubt."

Alex doesn't say a word. I take that as a sign to continue, but I feel really uncomfortable as he stands over me. Tentatively, I pat the space beside me on the bed, indicating that I wanted him to sit. He ignores my actions and instead pulls up a chair and takes a seat directly in front of me.

That stung, but I can't say that I didn't deserve it.

My nerves are tingling. I can't really remember a time when I felt so out of place. My hands are wringing in my lap. I stare at them for a few minutes, take a deep breath, look straight into his eyes and begin.

"Before everything... Before the merger, before George's death and before I got cancer... For what felt like five seconds, life was good. It was as close to perfect as it's ever been. Because of that, it almost felt like I was invincible. I'm pretty sure that in the end, that was my downfall. I felt strong, like there were steel walls all around me, protecting me and keeping me safe. But then, things started to crumble... As it turned out, my steel walls were actually made of mud. When a storm came, they started to sink into the ground.

"First I started hallucinating and going crazy. That led to the cancer diagnosis. All the surgeries... The tubes, the needles, the feeling like crap all the time... I had to sit in that hospital bed day after day watching everyone move forward with their lives, while I was at a standstill. Even though I was getting treated, it felt like the cancer was eating away at me every single day.

"It was really wearing me down. When night fell at the end of each day, I was so tired of it all. I was starting to lose it; I didn't know how much more I could take. Then... Then we got married and things started to get good again. I got through my surgery, and there was some trouble with my memory... but we got past that. Things were looking up. The mud was hardening and I was starting to move forward in life again.

"But then... Out of nowhere, George was taken from us. That brought the mud hut down in shambles. George was healthy and moving forward with life... I wasn't. I felt guilty, because it was so wrong. If anyone was going to die, it was supposed to be me.

"And, after all that, when I thought it wasn't possible for life to get any worse, the chief springs this merger from hell upon us. My Mercy West guy, Charles? He reminded me of George at first. He talked a lot. Filled up conversation with useless information that no one else cared about. It was nice, to have some of my best friend back. I helped him out, gave him pointers, only to have him throw it back in my face. He used me, told me this crap about not being friends with your colleagues within the four walls of the hospital.

"I was infuriated. He wasn't like George. I don't even know how someone who could think such awful thoughts could parallel George and his selflessness at all. I was so upset... I wasn't thinking clearly and I administered the wrong medicine to a kidney patient. She didn't get a transplant, and it was my entire fault. You can imagine I felt pretty bad at that point. Then I got paged to go see the chief.

"After... When it sunk in... I... After I got fired, I lost it. My walls were tiny pieces and this storm scattered them in all directions. I couldn't even begin to comprehend how I was going to put my life back together. It felt like I lost myself and this person that wasn't me took over my body. I was angry. So angry, but I was hurt too.

"I didn't know the whole story and I did jump to conclusions when the Chief mentioned your name. Alex, I just... It's... You didn't want me to come back so soon. I know that you were just looking out for me, but I felt like I _needed_ to come back. You'd been hovering so much that I snapped. The anger took over and I left." It was only then that I noticed my cheeks were wet. Somewhere in the middle of all my talking, I had started crying. The floodgates were open, and I could tell they wouldn't be closing anytime soon.

"I made so many mistakes that day. I can't take any of them back, but I would if I could." I tell him sincerely. His face is impassive and I felt my heart sink. "Leaving the way I did... It was stupid. I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt and I should have, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

It's like a dam burst, and I couldn't hold back the tears. Alex's gaze made me feel exposed and horribly self-conscious. I buried my face in my hands in attempt to shield myself and was at a loss as to what to do next.

I jumped when he wrapped his arms around my waist, but immediately relaxed into his body as he pulled me close. His torso was warm, and he smelled the same. It was comforting. I buried myself deeper into him.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into his neck. It came out muffled through my tears, but I knew he understood what I was saying. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Iz, don't be sorry," Alex says softly into my ear. One of his hands rubs gentle circles into my back. "Just don't do it again."

I nod and rest my head against the hollow of his shoulder. I tighten my grip, and my husband does the same.

******_- X - X - X -_ **

**So, there's that. Originally, I had planned to have Alex do a whole lot of yelling and stay mad at Izzie for a little while. I think that's what would happen on the show... But, it hurt my heart too much to write that. Instead, he's the silent understand-er.**

**Hope you guys are cool with that. **

**There should only be 1, maybe 2 chapters following this. I hope you liked this first part enough to keep reading! **

**Coming up next: In life, sometimes things will get worse before they get better. Izzie makes a decision that will help her life (with Alex), but it will come with a price. **


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